Children Just Need to Know the Answers to 20 Questions?

Children Just Need to Know the Answers to 20 Questions?

Want to give your children or other young people in your family an advantage navigating life’s challenges? Research by the Family Narratives Lab at Emory University suggests that children who know the answers to just 20 questions about their families will be more resilient and do better in life. Just 20 questions and answers? A better description is that the 20 questions are a quick “Do Your Know” (DYK) measure of the level of family story sharing. Children who know the answers to these questions have a stronger “intergenerational self” from knowing their family stories about success and perseverance through hardships. The key factor is that they know the answers because they have been exposed to many family stories through a tradition of family story sharing.

An excellent New York Times article by Bruce Feiler entitled "This Life: The Stories that Bind Us” explains why this knowledge helps young people. Dr. Duke with the Family Narrative Lab is quoted in the article.

The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. The “Do You Know?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness….

“The most healthful narrative,” Dr. Duke continued, “is the third one. It’s called the oscillating family narrative: ‘Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.’ ”

Ideally children have heard family stories from a young age through early adulthood. Dr. Duke mentioned in another article that when a child says “Oh, you told me that already” that is good news. The story has stuck, and the child or young adult may one day reach back in their memory banks and use it to navigate a similar life event.

What Are the 20 Questions?

The Do You Know Scale

Please answer the following questions by circling "Y" for "yes" or "N" for "no." Even if you know the information we are asking about, you don't need to write it down. We just wish to know if you know the information. 1.Do you know how your parents met? Y N 2.Do you know where your mother grew up? Y N 3.Do you know where your father grew up? Y N 4.Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up? Y N 5.Do you know where some of your grandparents met? Y N 6.Do you know where your parents were married? Y N 7.Do you know what went on when you were being born? Y N 8.Do you know the source of your name? Y N 9.Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born? Y N 10.Do you know which person in your family you look most like? Y N 11.Do you know which person in the family you act most like? Y N 12.Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger? Y N 13.Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences? Y N 14.Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school? Y N 15.Do you know the national background of your family (such as English, German, Russian, etc)? Y N 16.Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young? Y N 17.Do you know some awards that your parents received when they were young? Y N 18.Do you know the names of the schools that your mom went to? Y N 19.Do you know the names of the schools that your dad went to? Y N 20.Do you know about a relative whose face "froze" in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough? Y N

The Stories That Bind Us: What Are the Twenty Questions?

Family Story Telling

Remember that knowing the answers is a measure of whether there has been story sharing across generations within the family. You may want to ask your children or younger members of your family if they know the answers to these questions. You may want to try to answer the questions yourself. Interestingly, the research at the Family Narratives Project documented that mothers and grandmothers most often pass along family stories. Is this the case for your family?

The research also noted that the stories are not always completely accurate. The stories are often embellished over time to convey a stronger life lesson. When my children complained about having to wait for the school bus in cold weather, I would remind them about how I used to walk several miles to school uphill both ways through much colder New England weather.

Regarding a more serious family story about getting to school, it was not until I did a life story legacy video of my mother that I learned of her daunting and disheartening daily walks to school in Danville, VA, in the 1930s. She told of how she and other Black children would walk miles to a small segregated school. They had to walk past several larger and much nicer whites only schools. They were often taunted and chased by the white children along the way.

You may want to come up with your own list of 20 questions to ask your elders. You may want to provide your children with the answers to similar questions about yourself and older relatives. The objective is to share stories that highlight the life journeys of family members and illustrate how they faced challenges and enjoyed success in their lives.

A life story legacy video can foster intergenerational sharing that will have a positive impact on current and future generations and encourage other family members to share their stories. A life story legacy video is designed to encourage the storyteller to share important stories about their life. A life story legacy video will be a special treasure that a family will want to pass along to future generations.

For more information including sample videos, see my website at www.LifeStoryLegacyVideos.com. Feel free to contact me. We can schedule a time to talk about the process.

Bryon